Okay, if you hadn’t felt the last week were just like the starting of a zombie apocalypse film, then maybe the CDC coming out and saying everyone stay calm, there is no zombie apocalypse will perk your ears up.
Seriously, is there anything that says “we have zombies” much more than the CDC denying we have zombies? The internet chatter began in earnest last weekend, when a gruesome story out of Florida went viral, in which an apparently psychotic man attacked another, chewing the second’s face for practically twenty minutes before police had been forced to fire off a full clip at the assailant, at some point killing him.
(It was reported that the attacker carried on chewing his victim’s flesh after getting been shot, which is a behavior many associate with zombie tropes on Television and in film.) But it wasn’t just the Florida face-chewing incident that got internet searchers buzzing. Another incident involved a medical doctor who began spitting blood at arresting officers during a traffic stop and was tough to subdue afterwards at the hospital, and a few incidents in which hazmat teams were dispatched to schools after reports of unexplainable rashes popping up among big numbers of students.
Oh yeah, and the intestines throwing guy. And radioactive sushi.
And now the Centers For Disease Control- also known as the initial villains and/or the agency of last resort in almost every zombie apocalypse tale- is acknowledging the rumors, saying in an e mail to HuffPo that the dead have not begun to walk, no matter what you may be reading on the interwebs. The agency has been recognized to use zombie media to spread disaster awareness (such as in this list of guidelines from The Walking Dead), but the CDC maintains plausible deniability when it comes to the current spate of walker-like incidents:
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.
But you know, just in case, the CDC who equivocally says there are no zombies would also like to remind you to stock up on gas, get a first aid kit and make sure your water is clean.
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Okay, if you hadn’t felt the last few days were just like the beginning of a zombie apocalypse movie, then perhaps the CDC coming out and saying everybody stay calm, there is no zombie apocalypse will perk your ears up. Seriously, is there anything that says “we have zombies” more than the CDC denying we have zombies? The web chatter started in…
Attention: This is not the zombie apocalypse. Probably. As far as we know. Currently. This past week, we saw a faced eater in Miami. An intestines hurler in New Jersey. A heart and brain eater here in Maryland. And a Canadian porn star eating victims and mailing body parts to people. Some folks may have noticed a horrific pattern here – a pattern…