There is little debate the European Union has had a lot of trouble over the last few years. Strife over membership, debates over sovereignty and of course most importantly the economic crisis which, while more or less stabilized now, is still a threat weighing heavily over the continent. Despite all that, though, few would argue that the EU hasn’t been a remarkable experiment particularly on that continent.
Even with all the strife currently afflicting the EU, the simple truth is that the union has joined together nations which have been at each other’s throat for decades and reduced bloodshed into bickering, a grand gesture for Europe but also a remarkable statement on the capacity of human beings to put aside their differences.
The E.U., though, has had trouble and that trouble will likely continue for a long time to come. The nature of the Union, with every country retaining its independence within a larger group, is part of what has caused so many of the problems. That is something everyone in the Union will agree with and a pivot point upon which the entire thing will stand or fall. Now, though, it appears that the leaders of the Union have a solution which involves absorbing every nation into itself and conquering every one that decides it wants to object.
“This is a plot by people who want to abolish nation states and create a United States of Europe. The whole thing is barmy. These people are determined to achieve their final objective. The only hope for Britain is to leave the EU and become an independent nation,” said Labour peer Lord Stoddart who didn’t actually present any evidence of such an action.
Technically, Britain is an independent country already though of course they may be forced to fight to retain such a standing particularly once the EU takes control of major military powers on the mainland. It’s believed likely that Germany is pressing for the new Union while France is just going with the flow.
“I think, ultimately, we are probably going to be looking at an entire planet unified under a single government. That’s the only thing that really makes sense in the long term as the meaning of borders start to dissolve and evaporate, a process which is already happening as we speak. Frankly, that’s really the only way we will be able to stand against rebellious Martian colonies or alien invasions. We need to work as one,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “Evolving into that and forcing it are two very different things, though, and trying to force people into doing things they don’t want to do is usually problematic at best. That kind of thing usually starts wars, which is kind of the opposite of what the EU was set up to do.”
It’s not clear if the new leader of the continent will be current EU President Herman Van Rompuy or some megalomaniacal tyrant as yet unseen.
“This could of course be paranoia on the part of the British hierarchy which has never really been comfortable being a part of the Union to begin with. By creating a sense of panic and fear of being conquered they could generate sympathy to their cause and help pull Britain out of the Union,” continued Hander. “That doesn’t make it true though and it is entirely possible they are paranoid and also correct in which case it only makes sense to try to pull out, though that may not prevent a war in the long term because I mean how could you live without Britain?”
It’s believed that the initiative was drawn up by the Belgians and the Swiss because they tend to do things like that.