I know how to stop the next school shooting, save the children and restore some sanity to America. Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooter, was on medication, we now know. So were previous shooters like the two students at Columbine High School in the 1999 Colorado shooting. Medication makes some people go crazy with violence.
There has been a lot of talk these past few days about banning guns. But the idea of banning guns from all the GOOD people — the sane, law-abiding citizens of America — is ludicrous. What really makes sense is banning gun purchases and ownership among mentally MEDICATED people.
Yep. If they’re on psychiatric meds, they get no guns. But why stop there? Vehicles are very dangerous metal machines, too, and if people on meds are too dangerous to own guns, they should be too dangerous to operate high-velocity rolling chunks of metal (cars and trucks) on public roadways, no?
That’s why I say ban all medicated people from operating motor vehicles. Given that there are currently 32,000 deaths each year in America from motor vehicle accidents, we’re talking about saving a thousand times the lives of the children in Sandy Hook!
But why stop there? Electing the wrong President can be just as dangerous as operating a motor vehicle or shooting up a school. The wrong President, you see, can drag a nation into deadly wars, just as we’ve seen with Bush and Obama. So for those people who are too dangerous to own guns, and too dangerous to drive motor vehicles, they should also be declared too dangerous to VOTE.
Voting, obviously, should be conducted only by someone in a clear state of mind, should it not?
And why even stop there? I think we should ban people on psych drugs from becoming members of Congress. After all, Congress is where the most insane people tend to congregate, and probably at least half of them are on mind-altering meds (and brain-numbing cholesterol drugs). No wonder they can’t even read the bills they vote on!
Allowing medicated members of Congress to vote on legislation is a lot like allowing medicated, video-game-playing teenagers to own assault rifles. The outcome is sometimes disastrous…
This article is only partially satire, by the way. If we’re going to talk about banning things in America, let’s get serious about the altered mental states being caused by psychiatric drugs, and let’s get psych drugs to come with warnings and red flags that preclude people who take those drugs from operating firearms, vehicles or voting booths.
Guns, cars and votes should only be commanded by people of sound mind who are NOT subjected to chemical influences. In society today, we don’t tolerate people drinking and driving. So why do we tolerate people medicating and voting?
And if there’s any effort to ban guns at all, it needs to be concentrated on those medicated individuals who are not of sound mind.